The Holy Book of Peep

Excavated and translated by Brian Gluckman

And lo, he did see the Lord, and the Lord did sayeth unto him, "Peep", and lo, as he was a goodly man, and did listen to the words of the Lord, he did follow through with His commands, and created the Peep, which he spread amongst the poeples of the Earth as the Lord had requested, and the whole Earth did rejoice, and the Lord was pleased that His works had been carried forth.

But, lo, all was not to be Goodliness and Light on the Earth, for the sons of the Founder, as the first maker of the Peep was now called, did practice in greed and corruption, the works of the Devil, and they did corrupt the Peep through commercialization. And the Peep, which had once been available to all for the asking, the Godliness they wanted, which was theirs for free, for God's wealth is boundriless, was now available only for money, much money, and they had to pay to attain the higher state that their Lord had so desired they achieve.

And the prohets do tell of a time that the Common man, so repulsed by his inaccessability to the fruits of the Lord, will rebel, and shall overthrow the Evil that holds the power of the Peep for the few, and lo, the Lord shall assist in cracking open the home of the Peep for all to partake in both equally and freely, and, the Prophets say, at this time Heaven will arrive on Earth, and all men shall be equal, and free, and happy, together.

So it is written in the Holy Book of Peep.

A more recent recovery from the ruins of the ancient city, this following section was translated by Dave Smith:

Revelations Ch. 6 concerns the Four Peeps of the Apocalypse:

2: And I saw, and beheld a Yellow Peep; and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.
3: And when he had opened the second seal, I heard the Peep say, Come and see.
4: And there went out another Peep that was Pink; and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another; and there was given unto him a great sword.
5: And when he had opened the third seal, I heard the Peep say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a Purple Peep; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.
6: And I heard a voice in the midst of the Peeps say, A measure of marshmallow for a penny; and see thou hurt not the Pabst and the Whiskey.
7: And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth Peep say, Come and see.
8: And I looked, and behold a Pale Peep; and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
9: And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the Peeps the souls of them that were slain by the Peeps, and for the marshmallow which they held.
10: And they cried with a loud voice, saying, How long, O Peep, holy and true, dost thou sicken our bellies?
11: And it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, that should they be killed as they were, their bellies be filled by the marshmallow.